Discover Passion: Tips on How to Maintain Intimacy as Parents

Discover the secrets to a thriving marriage amidst parenting challenges with our guide on how to maintain intimacy as parents. Amidst the cries of a newborn at 2 AM and the chaos of daily parenting, it's easy for couples to feel their intimacy wane. Yet, nurturing your relationship remains crucial. In the midst of dirty diapers and pediatrician appointments, prioritizing intimacy strengthens your bond, offering a reprieve from parental responsibilities. Our comprehensive guide offers practical strategies, from making time for sex and rekindling romance to overcoming obstacles like fatigue and distractions. Reclaim your passion and affection - your marriage deserves it.

Key Takeaways:

Tactic	Description
Schedule date nights	Plan regular date nights without kids to focus on each other
Communicate openly	Discuss needs, challenges, and desires honestly and openly
Initiate intimacy	Take turns initiating sex to ensure equal effort
Prioritize sleep	Make sleep a priority to combat fatigue interfering with intimacy
Flirt throughout the day	Send flirty texts, compliments, touches to build anticipation
Research new positions/toys	Spice things up and stimulate excitement by experimenting together
Compromise on frequency	If libidos differ, compromise on sexual frequency
Get childcare help	Arrange childcare so you can connect 1-on-1 without interruptions
Set the mood	Use music, lingerie, candles to create a romantic ambiance
Discuss beyond parenting	Have deeper conversations about hopes, dreams to stay connected

Why Intimacy Matters After Having Kids

When you become parents, it's easy to let your marriage take a backseat. After all, your new baby demands constant care and attention 24/7. But even though parenthood is all-consuming, you can't let intimacy fall by the wayside.

That's why learning how to maintain intimacy as parents is so crucial for marital fulfillment.

Maintaining physical and emotional intimacy is just as crucial after having kids as it was before. In fact, it may be even more important for the health of your relationship.

Here's why making time for sex and connection with your spouse should remain a priority:

1. The Physical and Emotional Benefits

• Having regular sex fosters oxytocin production - this "love hormone" strengthens feelings of affection, trust, and bonding between partners.
• Sex reduces stress and anxiety - the endorphins released during sex promote relaxation and improve mood. This can help couples better handle the pressures of parenting.
• Orgasms boost immune functioning - decreased cortisol levels after climax support overall well-being for busy moms and dads.
• Touching and cuddling release feel-good hormones - intimacy promotes nurturing behavior between partners.
• Sex boosts self-esteem and body confidence - feeling wanted and desired helps counteract insecurities.
• Greater overall happiness - couples who maintain intimacy report higher levels of relationship satisfaction.

2. Strengthens Your Connection

• Improves trust and communication between spouses - the vulnerability and openness required leads to deeper understanding.
• Increases affection and compassion for each other - regular intimacy keeps partners feeling loved.
• Prevents resentment, isolation, and loneliness - lack of sex can damage emotional closeness over time.
• Reaffirms commitment and devotion to each other - sex represents a unique way of expressing love between spouses.
• Maintains passion and romance in the relationship - without intimacy couples risk drifting apart.

3. Lowers Risk of Infidelity

• Infidelity often arises when emotional or sexual needs aren't met - maintaining intimacy prevents this distance.
• Helps spouses keep their eyes on each other, not others - a satisfying sex life removes temptation.
• Couples who have regular sex report a lower incidence of cheating - they remain enthralled with each other.

In short: Don't underestimate the importance of sex, touching, and emotional connection with your spouse - especially after kids enter the picture. Intimacy offers profound benefits that keep your relationship strong as you navigate the challenges of parenthood together.

The Challenges of Maintaining Intimacy After Kids

Becoming parents brings enormous joy. But it also inevitably changes the dynamics of your relationship and presents new hurdles for maintaining physical and emotional intimacy.

Understanding the common challenges that arise can help you proactively address issues and prioritize your connection amidst the demands of parenting young kids.

1. Exhaustion From New Parent Responsibilities

• Sleep deprivation - infants and babies wake multiple times at night, leaving mom and dad chronically fatigued. Difficult to feel frisky when running on empty.
• Overwhelming childcare duties - feeding, changing diapers, managing meltdowns are all-consuming. Few energy reserves left to invest in the marriage.
• Breastfeeding demands - nursing moms often touched out. Constant physical connection with a baby can dampen libido.
• Recovery from childbirth - healing from delivery paired with fatigue can impact sex drive and comfort.

2. Lack of Time and Availability

• Distraction of child needs - tough to be present in the moment when kids require constant vigilance.
• Competing priorities - the to-do list never ends between work, childcare, and household chores. Finding time to prioritize intimacy becomes a challenge.
• Carving out 1-on-1 time - with kids sleeping in your room or barging in, getting alone time requires planning.
• Mental overload - tough to switch gears to romance when preoccupied with parenting responsibilities.

3. Physical or Emotional Disconnection

• Postpartum body changes - many new moms struggle with self-consciousness about their changing bodies after childbirth.
• Hormonal shifts - changes in estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels after having babies can reduce libido and sexual responsiveness.
• Touched out from child contact - parents often want physical space from constant holding, breastfeeding, and carrying little ones. Being touched by their partner can feel like too much.
• Emotional intimacy gaps - focus on parenthood topics means spouses stop communicating as deeply.

Parenthood introduces a wide range of obstacles - both logistical and emotional. Being aware of these challenges allows you to confront issues proactively and deliberately prioritize intimacy in your marriage.

Making Time for Intimacy After Kids

Finding opportunities to connect intimately with your spouse after having kids may seem next to impossible. Between endless feeding, changing, bathing. and managing the needs of little ones, alone time with your partner becomes scarce.

But carving out opportunities for physical connection is vital for how to maintain intimacy as parents. Making sex and connection a priority amid the craziness of parenthood requires strategy, commitment, and creativity.

Here are tips to help busy moms and dads maximize opportunities for physical and emotional intimacy:

1. Get Strategic About Scheduling

• Schedule sex dates - literally block off time on your calendars so it doesn't get deprioritized. Even if it feels less spontaneous, it works!
• Take advantage of nap time - use those precious afternoon quiet hours when kids are sleeping to sneak in intimacy.
• Wake up earlier - set your alarm 30 mins early to take advantage of cuddle time before the kids awake.
• Alternate initiating - take turns setting up intimate nights to share planning.

Plan ahead - line up childcare for upcoming weekends so you can enjoy uninterrupted alone time.

Day	Strategy
Monday	Early morning intimacy before kids awake
Wednesday	Schedule sex date after kids' bedtime
Saturday	Get grandparents to babysit overnight

2. Get Creative with Locations

• Outsource childcare - rely on family, friends or babysitters to watch the kids so you can connect at home without interruptions.
• Explore beyond the bedroom - shower, couch, kitchen countertop, backyard hammock - switch up locations to stimulate excitement.
• Book hotels or Airbnb - when budgets allow, plan overnight kid-free getaways.
• Park the car - revisit old high school makeout spots for nostalgia and adventure.

3. Minimize Disruptions

• Turn off phones and devices - eliminate distractions and be present during intimacy.
• Use white noise machines - provide ambient sounds so kids' noises are less likely to interrupt.
• Lock the door - prevent accidental barging in by toddlers or kids.
• Keep supplies handy - have lube, condoms, toys easily accessible so you don't lose the mood grabbing them.

With some strategic planning, teamwork and fun creativity, you can absolutely make finding time for intimacy a regular priority after parenthood. Don't let the kids and chaos push your physical connection to the sidelines.

Reigniting Romance and Attraction After Kids

In the blur of dirty diapers and sleepless nights, reigniting sparks of romance with your partner can seem next to impossible. Diminished energy, changing postpartum bodies, and consuming parenting duties all interfere.

But rekindling attraction and passion after becoming parents is essential. Here are some fun, clever strategies to bring flirtation and excitement back into your relationship after kids:

1. Flirt Throughout the Day

• Send flirty or provocative texts when apart to build anticipation.
• Initiate quick kisses, touches, hugs, pats whenever you pass by one another. Physical contact breeds more physical contact.
• Whisper a compliment about something attractive about your partner - their smile, butt, biceps, lips.
• Make eye contact and smile across the room to create a sense of chemistry and inside jokes.

2. Provide Space to Miss Each Other

• Plan occasional weekends apart so you have distance to yearn for each other.
• Take separate vacations with friends to cultivate that feeling of reuniting eagerly.
• Develop your own independent hobbies and friend groups - having separate identities outside the parent role keeps the mystery alive.

3. Shake Up Your Routine

• Dress up for date nights - lingerie, suits, whatever makes you feel sexy.
• Try new sexual positions, toys, props, role-playing games to stimulate excitement.
• Initiate sex in spontaneous locations - the kitchen, couch, office at home, backyard.
• Research and surprise each other with romantic gifts, activities, and adventures. Rediscover what your partner loves.
• Splurge on hotel getaways when possible to get out of parent mode.

4. Compliment Each Other

• Voice genuine appreciation for your partner's appearance, qualities, skills - both sexual and non-sexual. We all want to feel desired.
• Counteract any lingering insecurities about postpartum body changes with positive feedback.

5. Set the Mood

• Light candles to create a romantic vibe.
• Put on sexy or sentimental music to enhance the ambiance.
• Minimize clutter and distractions in the bedroom.
• Explore massage oils, silk sheets, rose petals, toys - whatever fuels sensuality.

Implement these strategies for how to maintain intimacy as parents despite postpartum challenges.

With concerted effort and creativity, you can absolutely bring playfulness, passion, and romance back into your relationship, despite the challenges of early parenthood. Don't lose your sense of adventure and fun as a couple!

Overcoming Obstacles to Intimacy After Kids

Despite your best efforts, you’re bound to encounter obstacles interfering with intimacy after having kids. Fatigue, differing sex drives, distraction - these challenges are inevitable.

The key is acknowledging these hurdles proactively and working together with your partner to problem-solve. You can absolutely preserve intimacy as parents when you get creative and commit to communication.

1. Talk Openly About Your Struggles

• Discuss frustrations early before resentment builds - don’t let an intimacy drought quietly fester.
• Seek counseling or therapy if needed to address any underlying issues or mismatched needs.
• Validate each other’s feelings without judgment.
• Brainstorm strategies together - approach solutions as a team.

2. Handle Mismatched Sex Drives with Sensitivity

• The partner with a lower libido should avoid shaming or blaming.
• The partner with a higher libido should avoid guilting or pressuring.
• Compromise on sexual frequency respectfully so both feel heard.
• Take penetration off the table if needed - focus on other physically intimate activities instead.

3. Overcome Exhaustion and Fatigue

• Prioritize rest whenever possible so you have energy reserves.
• Schedule intimacy for when you feel most alert - like morning or post-nap time.
• Try positions where one partner does more of the “work”.
• Communicate openly when needing to reschedule due to exhaustion.

4. Minimize Distractions and Disruptions

• Eliminate screens and devices from the bedroom.
• Invest in a white noise machine to dull disruptive household sounds.
• Ensure kids are occupied elsewhere at scheduled intimacy times.
• Set clear boundaries against kids barging in unannounced.

5. Get Creative with Locations and Positions

• Move intimacy out of the bedroom - shower, couch, guest room, hotel.
• Experiment with positions where you can’t see mess or clutter.
• Trade long lovemaking sessions for quicker but still satisfying encounters.

With some creativity and compromise, you can overcome hurdles to how to maintain intimacy as parents.

With teamwork, communication, and creativity, you can absolutely overcome obstacles like fatigue, distraction, and mismatched libidos after kids. Don’t let these bumps derail your efforts to stay physically connected.

Strengthening Emotional Intimacy After Kids

While physical intimacy is crucial, deepening emotional intimacy with your spouse after having kids is equally important. Fostering true closeness and connection requires letting down your guard, listening generously, and intentionally nurturing fondness.

Make strengthening your friendship, trust, and communication as parents part of your intimacy goals.

1. Schedule Regular Quality Time

• Plan weekly date nights completely free of kid talk to nurture your romantic relationship.
• Share a bottle of wine or dessert when kids go to bed to debrief the day.
• Develop new shared hobbies and interests beyond parenting.
• Take mini-breaks together during the day - enjoy coffee on the porch, take a walk.

2. Ask Thoughtful Questions

• Inquire about each other’s highs and lows of the week.
• Ask your partner’s opinion on topics big and small - their input matters.
• Explore fun hypotheticals and daydreams together to get imaginative.

3. Actively Listen

• Give your full attention when your partner is speaking - eliminate distractions.
• Paraphrase what you hear them say to ensure understanding.
• Validate their feelings and perspectives without judgment.

4. Share Your Inner World

• Confide hopes, dreams, and fears openly - be vulnerable.
• Fill each other in on your work lives, friend dynamics, and thoughts.
• Open up about insecurities - meet each other with compassion, not criticism.

5. Inject Humor and Levity

• Share silly jokes and funny anecdotes - laughter unites.
• Be playful and goofy together - don’t forget your sense of fun.
• Poke lighthearted fun at the awkward moments of parenting.

6. Give Each Other Focused Attention

• Make eye contact and put away phones when conversing.
• Initiate thoughtful touches - hand-holding, stroking hair, massages.
• Voice genuine compliments and appreciation.

Don't neglect the emotional piece of the puzzle in how to maintain intimacy as parents.

Deepening emotional intimacy protects your friendship and partnership amid the chaos of raising kids. Make strengthening fondness, trust, and communication a priority.

Experimenting in the Bedroom After Kids

One of the biggest intimacy killers after becoming parents is falling into boring, routine sex and predictable routines. Exhaustion, time constraints, and distractions all discourage adventurousness.

But stepping outside your comfort zones together sexually is key for igniting passion and excitement. Don’t let parenthood eliminate your sense of erotic experimentation and fun as a couple.

Here are some adventurous, playful ways to spice things up in the bedroom after kids:

1. Explore New Positions

• Look up sex position guides online or in books like the Kama Sutra. Trying new angles stimulates erogenous zones in new ways.
• Invest in furniture like wedges or sex swings that enable more acrobatic positions.
• Take penetration off the table occasionally - explore new ways to achieve pleasure together through oral, manual stimulation, and frottage.

2. Incorporate Toys

• Visit an adult store together and pick out vibrators, dildos, cock rings, etc. Make the shopping itself a fun date!
• Use toys like vibrators to help each other achieve orgasm faster when time is limited.
• Introduce bondage toys like handcuffs or blindfolds to enjoy light power play.

3. Engage All Your Senses

• Blindfolding your partner amplifies sensations from touch, sound, smell, and taste.
• Alternate hot and cold sensations - ice cubes, wax play, warming lube.
• Incorporate food and drink - chocolate sauce, whipped cream, wine.

4. Build Sexual Tension

• Send each other erotic notes, texts, and audio clips when apart to stoke anticipation.
• Read or listen to erotic stories separately, then describe them to each other.
• Watch sexy videos or online tutorials together to get ideas.
• Take turns with one partner directing the sexual encounter.

5. Make Time for Extended Sessions

• Schedule entire evenings when you can take things too slow with plenty of teasing, role-playing, and build-up.
• Book hotels or trips when you can be as loud as you want without worrying about waking kids.
• Plan lingerie photoshoots together and indulge your exhibitionist side.

Injecting novelty is an important component of how to maintain intimacy as parents long-term.

Keep injecting novelty, adventure, and surprise into your sex life, no matter how many years you’ve been together. You deserve an exciting, satisfying intimate journey as both lovers and parents.

Making Sex a Priority After Kids

Life is busier than ever after becoming a parent. Between work, domestic chores, childcare duties, and social obligations - sex with your spouse easily falls by the wayside.

But you can’t let your physical relationship go into hibernation. Prioritizing intimacy, even when you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, is key to preserving passion.

Implementing these habits will help sex become a consistent priority:

1. Schedule It

• Mark intimate “dates” on your calendars, just like other important commitments.
• Plan ahead on days when you have more energy and fewer childcare demands.
• Build anticipation by confirming your date earlier in the day with flirty texts.

2. Eliminate Distractions

• Silence phones, and turn off TVs to minimize disruptions.
• Use white noise machines or music to create separation from household noises.
• Ensure kids are occupied or asleep to prevent interruptions.

3. Set the Scene

• Light candles or dim lights to establish a sensual ambiance.
• Spend a few minutes cleaning up clutter in your intimate spaces.
• Invest in nice sheets, mattress pads, and blankets to create a luxurious sensual nest.

4. Initiate When the Moment Feels Right

• Don’t overthink it - spontaneous encounters can be hugely satisfying.
• Make a move when you glimpse moments of downtime together.
• If your partner initiates when you’re not in the mood, offer a raincheck. Check resentments.

5. Outsource Childcare

• Accept help from family and friends so you can enjoy dedicated couple time.
• Hire the occasional babysitter for an afternoon or overnight so you can get away.

Even amid busy family life, consistently prioritizing physical connection is essential for how to maintain intimacy as parents.

With concerted teamwork, you can defeat the forces conspiring to interfere with intimacy after kids. Fight for your physical connection! It’s worth it.

In Conclusion: Prioritize Intimacy After Kids

Becoming parents represents an enormous lifestyle change and relationship shift. The demands of childcare, domestic responsibilities, and work pressures all compete for your time and energy as a couple.

But letting your sex life and intimacy deteriorate after having kids is a dangerous path. Sustaining passion, affection, and connection with your spouse amid the chaos of parenting is essential.

The key is being proactive and deliberate. Don't let busyness and exhaustion become excuses. Schedule dedicated time for each other. Seek solutions together. Outsource childcare responsibilities when needed.

Here are some key strategies to remember:

• Plan regular date nights - protect a couple of times on the calendar.
• Schedule sex - take turns initiating so it doesn't become one-sided.
• Communicate struggles openly - address issues before resentment sets in.
• Prioritize sleep - fight fatigue so you have the energy to connect.
• Flirt throughout the day - build sexual tension in stolen moments.
• Experiment and Adventure - inject novelty whenever possible.
• Respect mismatched libidos - don't shame, blame or coerce.
• Alternate childcare - let family or sitters cover so you get 1-on-1 time.
• Set boundaries - eliminate disruptions and distractions when connecting.

Use the tips provided in this guide on how to maintain intimacy as parents to prioritize your connection.

The effort may not always be convenient. But it is absolutely worth it. Fight for each other - not just your kids. Nurture passion, playfulness, and intimacy that keep your marriage thriving.